Anyone?

This comic isn’t perfect, but it’s quickly become one of my favorites. It captures so many of my challenges. On the surface, it’s an expression of my frustration with the learned helplessness I experience in my world. But it’s more than that.

Before I drew this, I was working on my website, revamping it after years of neglect. I started looking for similar examples for inspiration. Of course, I looked at sites by other professionals doing similar work to my own, and one thing stood out: they had so, so many shiny certificates, degrees and affiliations in very specific areas that I didn’t have. I went down the rabbit hole, taking in the panacea of organizations and institutions they subcribed to. The topics and communities seemed interesting and inspiring, but the associated membership fees, trainings and certifications were many and expensive.

I suddenly felt intense anxiety: what if I don’t have enough education to do what I do? And deeper down: what if I’m an imposter?

Oh no! Imposter syndrome!

I suddenly felt the need to have all of the right degrees, credentials and affiliations for all the things part of my profession. Most of what I do is education in some form or another, both in the public and private sector. I have a Master’s degree in teaching and over a decade of experience working with many groups of diverse people. I’ve been praised many times for my work, and I have measurable successes. But somehow, looking at the litany of certifications out there, that didn’t feel like enough. How can I teach people time management skills if I don’t have the a degree in Time Management? My post-grad certificates, published papers, and years of trainings to help me become a better teacher and coach were suddenly not enough; the dragon within me felt I needed more. I could to get training and certificates the same way others get tattoos — just be covered in them so people know I’m legit.

This is not an alien feeling for me. If there was a certificate in cleaning the toilet bowl correctly, I’d probably feel I needed it.

My spouse saw me spinning out, and yanked me off my cliff of self-doubt. With encouragement from him and others, I am learning to walk away from the dragon, and trust those hard-earned years of advanced education, self-reflection and experimentation on myself to see if the habits and ideas I teach actually work. The shiny certificates are still out there, beckoning me, promising I’ll be more marketable if I just pay $1000 more dollars for more.

Maybe someday. But not today.

So, drawing this comic relieved both the pressure I feel and occasionally accept to keep legitimizing myself. I don’t think that goes away. It just rears its head in a different form every time we try to stretch ourselves. And that’s the good news: feeling like an imposter means I’m growing!* When we explore new territory, of course we feel like outsiders at first.

I’m not opposed to more training or education in the future. But I don’t need it to be excellent at what I do. That is the difference. And if that’s not good enough for the dragons, then they can stay where they are. I’ll be the one to keep walking forward.

*this truth comes from Mel Robbins in her book The High 5 Habit